More, more, more!

More Baby J, that is.

We are still in the getting to know you stage. Here's what I know about him so far. 

He still has his dark hair and I'm enjoying it before the top falls out and he looks like an old man.

He likes to eat and would eat and sleep simultaneously all night if I'd let him.

His eyes are very dark but I think they'll be blue.

He does not like wipes.

He likes it when Erica talks to him.

His naps can be 3 hours or 12 minutes and I can never anticipate which. It's all about going with the flow and having no expectations of him or myself.

Until he can smile and give me positive feedback, I feel like everything I do he just finds tolerable.

Which is ironic since everything he does I find adorable. I just love love love him. Crazy how even the day before he was born I wasn't "feelin' it" and worried what that meant and then he's born and and BAM! insta-love.

I've been thinking of this quote from Elder Holland's April Conference address a lot lately

A wonderful young mother recently wrote to me: “How is it that a human being can love a child so deeply that you willingly give up a major portion of your freedom for it? How can mortal love be so strong that you voluntarily subject yourself to responsibility, vulnerability, anxiety, and heartache and just keep coming back for more of the same? What kind of mortal love can make you feel, once you have a child, that your life is never, ever your own again? Maternal love has to be divine. There is no other explanation for it. What mothers do is an essential element of Christ’s work."

With every birth of my children, I learn something new about God and myself. 

With Sarah, God taught me that I can do hard things.

Henry taught me that God is a God of miracles.

Erica taught me that God is good and blesses us beyond what we deserve or imagine.

Through James, I learned not to settle and be comfortable in what I have when God is trying to give me so much more--especially when the "getting" requires great sacrifice. His plans work even though they are hard at times. The Plan of Salvation works. His plans for families to be eternal works. His plan for me to have and love a 4th child even though my heart and hands felt full worked. There was room in my heart after all.