This is future you, in 2019. I just have a few things to give you a heads up on.
First of all, you'll accrue college credits from 4 colleges (you should be on your third college at this point) and that's fine. But major in something I'm interested in now like nutrition. Just kidding, the chemistry will scare you off. That won't change. Maybe HR. There's something called a hiring manager that sounds interesting to you at 35 but your television journalism degree doesn't apply. Hiring managers get to read everyone's resumes before anyone else and get to see the negotiated salaries. It's professional nosiness and it sounds right up your alley. Your journalism degree only makes it impossible to enjoy watching television news and compulsively change what people say into active voice in your mind. But any career path will take you to blogging about your kids and perfecting your cookie recipes for the next foreseeable future so whatevs.
Second, wear compression socks when you're pregnant. All 4 pregnancies! It will save you $5000 and lots of pain from 10+ shots and catheter up your thigh. Ironically you're going to have to wear compression socks anyway if you don't. Let's go the cheaper, albeit hot and ugly, route of prevention.
Third, don't throw out that dark blue denim jacket or those black leather sandals from American Eagle. They're not as easy to replace as you think. Go see if they still sell the Revlon 1875 watt hairdryer that you're using and buy a backup. The one you've got goes caput in 2016 and no other hairdryer compares. Stock up on bootcut jeans. I know they are everywhere and why would we depart from a fit that flatters everyone but jean designers of the future don't think calves need air. I saw someone peg their pants just like we did in 1st grade. The future is caaaraaazy!
Fourth, you'll buy pork neck bones at the store. Nothing you need to do about it. I just wanted to laugh at your reaction because I bet you didn't see that coming.
Fifth, you know that guy in Home Alone 2, lost in New York in the hotel lobby with the dumb haircut? Donald Trump? He gets his own reality show on NBC. Isn't that crazy?!
That's all I have time for. Enjoy your new Evanescence CD!
Sincerely,
Diana in 2019
2 comments:
Haha! That was funny! Sorry about your legs...did you have something done that was not fun? Also, I'm very curious about why you would ever need to buy pork neck bones. Gross!
Also, he becomes president of the United States. What the what?!
I love reading your blog. Let's be friends IRL.
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